


Twisted

by bbg17on



Category: Twisted (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbg17on/pseuds/bbg17on
Relationships: Danny Desai/Jo Masterson
Kudos: 2





	1. Does time really heal?

Jo has had a lot of time to think. Or grieve. Kind of both. Checking out of the hospital fine, physically anyway. Mentally she can’t get the image of Charlie with a knife to her throat, waking her up at odd hours of the night. It hasn’t been much easier for her mom. Losing Charlie after giving him up for adoption. Dad took the shot. Mom tried to talk him down but Charlie didn’t back down. The knife didn’t move and his grip to hold me didn’t waiver. Dad didn’t have a choice, his daughter was in trouble. Of the times I’ve given him crap for being a cop. Mom lost Charlie again. 

He was her son but he was really messed up. I liked him but his fascination or crush on me was disturbing. In reality I liked him because he kept my mind off Danny. Time with Charlie started becoming less and less when it all started feeling uncomfortable. Danny never liked him. Even in juvenile hall. He kept warning me Charlie is no good. He got the same feeling from Charlie at that time. Mom gave Charlie a funeral. It didn’t feel right to her to leave him in an unmarked grave. Hardly anyone was there. Charlie didn’t have too many friends. Danny came, so did Lacy. Mom stayed at the cemetery after the funeral was over. Trying to figure out who Charlie was. Trying to rationalize the baby she gave up to the boy she saw in the empty house.

Mom finding out Vikram, Danny’s father, was involved in the adoption of Charlie. She was really mad at him. Still is. Grieving the son she never had and being mad at the man she trusted. Danny’s mom has been helping her. She has found out a few of Vikrom’s secrets. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes before he went over the side of the cliff. Danny’s concern being me. Danny took the blame so his dad wouldn’t do jail time. He loved his father, trusted him. 

Or it shows how big his heart is. He has talked once about wanting to keep me safe. Wanting to keep why he had done juvi time away from me. As he figured out more about his father, he wanted to keep me away from it. Because I was pure? Clean, untainted by what he had seen? About what he had seen at his aunts house and saw his father standing there? If he had told me about all of it, I wouldn’t be pure anymore?

I’m laughing at how absurd it is. “It’s a nice laugh, Masterson.” I hadn’t even heard him come up. I haven’t laughed in a while. I have not seen him smile in a while either. “ I was thinking about where this all started” We are meeting by the statue like we had planned before. “Which time?” He jokes. At his aunts or after juvie. “Juvie” I can say it without feeling uneasy or cringing. He doesn’t mind it, he’s worked through those days. He used to have a darkness to him. It’s not there anymore. “You didn’t tell me about what happened because I was this pure thing.” 

I realize I want to laugh saying it. He’s looking at me in silence. No anger. Like it’s not the most stupid idea. I’m laughing not out of humor. “Do you know how ridiculous that is?” And how unrealistic. “Not to me.” He’s almost shrugging. “You were my friend. You didn’t have anything to do with what was going on. I wanted to keep it that way.” It sounds sweet and it sounds like he made peace with the idea a long time ago. 

“Were you afraid I would see you differently?” The last couple of weeks have given me a lot of time to think. “I would see myself differently. You and Lacy didn’t come to see me, you weren’t allowed.” I remember. We were too young. I was pretty upset by it. “I was grateful. Things got pretty dark in there for me, Jo. Taking the hit for my dad and juvie itself, I didn’t want it to touch you.” It’s flattering, to think of me as this person outside of it all. “I figured it’s where your darkness came from.” He won’t say anything. The fact that I’m acknowledging it. “Perfect. It’s unattainable.” I add. It’s a myth. “You underestimated me, Desai. You told me everything. Almost killed by your dad, held captive by Charlie and I’m still here.” He’s laughing. It looks good on him. 

“Listen, I understand if you need time.” We just came back from time and it’s been really complicated. “You just broke up with Lacy and all of this happened. Or you’ve completely changed your mind.” If he wants to go back with her. This ridiculous clarity. One would think it would be more chaos. Maybe it’s what this is disguised as clarity. “Jo” He’s objecting. To going back to Lacy or needing more time, I’m not sure. I thought he might. “ The last couple of weeks have been really dicey. I get it. You and Lacey were on the other side of this. You had each other. I will admit, I’ve been a mess and I should have listened to you about Charlie.”

I know I can’t deal with another surprise like the last one of the two of them. It was a surprise and it hurt. Better to just get it over with now. Neither one of them felt like they could be honest with me. Danny was just out of juvie so he was kind of forbidden fruit. Lacy was in a relationship. “If your meeting me to break it to me.” Softly or otherwise.

“Jo, this whole thing has been dicey. Not just the last few weeks.” He’s not wrong about that. “When I came back it was hard to get you to trust me again. Considering how you had last seen me.” Carrying a jump rope in his hands and walking out of his aunts house. “Regina’s murder, everything with my dad. Me and Lacy went about things the wrong way. Me and Lacy were at the funeral, we were worried about you. The last time I saw you there was a knife on you. A guy I went to juvie with had a knife and it was threatening my best friend. I have wanted to give you space because Charlie was more messed up than I realized. I had no idea he would go that far. I swore I would make up for every time I screwed up. I talked about you in juvie.” 

It had given him hope in this dark place. Danny blames himself. If he had never talked to Charlie he would have never shown up here. “These guys in juvie have connections on the outside.” He thought Charlie was safe. He was trying to protect me from the others inside. With Charlie he let his guard down a little bit. “I saw Charlie with the knife and I wanted to take your place. Things with my dad was a mess, even worse he went after you.” Like mom with Charlie, Danny almost lost me twice. And it was by people he trusted. “The worst part of my world, you were put into.” What he had tried to protect me from. He’s had this going on in his head. Complete guilt and he didn’t tell anyone. 

“I saw you as pure in the cemetery that night. I saw you as pure outside my aunts house. I still do. You have been through more than I could have imagined and your still here.” The worst from his world and from him himself. “I had hoped for a chance to be friends with you when I came back.” What he told his father in the abandoned church. “What I told you in your room was true.” It’s always been you. I didn’t sleep after he said it. He held my hand the next day. It was brief but I felt something I hadn’t before. There was a look in his eyes. He only saw me. Is that what he had tried to tell me the night before? I had been uncertain about it because of what had been said before but I respected him being able to tell me. 

I had a make out dream about him. I had feelings for him and I didn’t want to trust it that night. The whole town heard I had feelings for him when I stood up to defend him. “When you said my friendship meant a lot to you and you didn’t want to mess it up.” It broke my heart. I had unintentionally said how I felt. I took a risk. Now he knows why I’m hesitant. He hurt me. It’s why I was eager to talk to him the first time. 

“I had sex with Tyler.” I had to clear that up. Tyler didn’t go around bragging. Now what do I expect, him to see me as damaged goods? I can’t even meet his eyes. For him to be as awful to me as I was to myself after it happened? I wanted him to know. He knows Tyler. I was doing with him what I was doing with Charlie, trying to get Danny out of my head. In a surprise action that’s surprising even me, his hand taking mine. Reaching out. It has the same feeling as before. One I can’t describe but feel inside. “I’m not going to ask if you loved him.” He knows I didn’t, it’s why he won’t ask. He already knows. Taking my hand because I haven’t rejected him yet? “Me and Lacy are just friends.” It’s not desperate or pleading. Asking me to trust him. Everything. The whole person and all he’s said. His guard was down in my room, at the lockers and it’s down now. 

Asking me, the person he trusts more than anyone else. He held me that night in my room. The night of the silly dance, he held me that night too. It had been awkward and it had also been comfortable. He had not wanted to cross the line. I had felt safe, despite everything. I still feel safe. “You have never been a threat, Danny.” As much as he’s been afraid that he would be, he’s been afraid of himself. I think it’s how he’s seen himself since he’s been back. The darkness of what he’s been through. “Your pure. You’ve had to fight all of it every single day but none of it has touched you.” He’s been afraid it has. He’s know it has. It’s why he’s kept me at arms length. 

My hand on his face. “What Charlie did was not you fault. He took what you said and twisted it around. He decided it was the life he missed out on. He was going to take it because it was owed to him. He didn’t earn it.” I was there by force not because I wanted to be. “You don’t see your self clearly. It’s been a fog you’ve been seeing yourself in. Seeing yourself as tainted, murky. Because of your father. I think you tried with Lacy. To see yourself as pure, good. To shake your father from you. Afraid you were becoming him. You could never become him.” Looking right in his eyes. 

“He was dark. You have too much light in you to let it happen.” I don’t know when Vikram became dark or he decided the dark side was where he needed to be. “Evil only bred more evil in him. Your father’s sins are his own, they aren’t yours. Your a fighter. You survived him. You’ve survived all of it.” He needs to hear this. He’s needed to for a long time. Danny decided he was as dark as his father. It’s not true. My lips are on his. My body has already moved closer to him without even knowing it. He’s holding me again. This is not a friend kiss. This is more. Sweet, tender. I love him. This is not the kiss in my mind. It’s better. 

“Your not weak, Danny.” Looking up at his eyes. Slightly out of breath, he is too. “No one could have gone through what you have and taken what this town put you through, me on top of it.” Honestly I don’t know why he bothered. I hated them for what they said about him and sometimes I hated myself for not sticking up for him. “I’m not perfect, you are.” It sounds like I’m arguing with him. “What are you talking about? You stood up for me, defended me and I know I wouldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t. I’m your best friend. Your mine.” The word catching me off guard as I look at him. It’s what I felt by the lockers, it’s what I’m feeling now. It’s why he’s saying it because he’s feeling it too. I could never be with anyone else. It didn’t work. 

“Placing yourself awfully high on the list there, aren’t you?” It’s not a rejection. What he said could sound possessive but it isn’t. He’s laughing at my answer. “I thought perfect was unattainable.” Lifting my chin with his finger. I’m white next to him. “You redefined the definition in ten seconds.” My answer, I can’t help the smile on my face. I’m laughing. So is he. He hasn’t stopped holding me. “I promise you, our first time together will be different. Special?” He’s daring to say the word. It would be different than my first time and his. I know what he means. “Is that Danny Masterson with the socio?” My eyes haven’t left him to see who’s talking. It’s just the two of us in our own little world. His arms around me, my arms are on him, my hands rubbing him slightly. “It already is.” There is a look in his eyes as his lips touch mine. He’s happy.


	2. Uncharted waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo has insecurities. Is she the only one?

At my locker, done with classes for the day. Been going through the whole day in a haze, last night still going through my mind. A nightmare. Charlie has a knife, my dad has the gun. Everyone has tried to talk him down. Danny, dad, my mom. I’m scared. Charlie is obsessed. I don’t know which is worse. Dad pulls the trigger. “No” I shout myself awake. Aware of the dark around me as I hear the shot in my ears. For a second I know the shot has hit me. More fear. I can see the blood, only it’s not me. It’s Charlie.

The light coming on. My mom is conflicted as to who to go to. Me, her daughter is safe or the son she just found out about. “Jo” Mom is at my door. Danny is behind me. He turned on the bedside light. We finished studying and it was late. I didn’t want him walking home at that hour. I forgot he was here. “The same dream?” My mom asks sitting down on the bed, feeling my forehead. I don’t have a fever. All I can do is nod. The nightmare still on me. It won’t do me any good to talk, I won’t be able to. It’s been a little while since I had it. Doesn’t make it easier. I’m covered in sweat. “Take your shirt off.” My mom urges as she moves to my dresser. 

I know I should wait until Danny leaves or ask him to turn around. I can’t think that well for either one. An old tshirt is my moms selection. I can see dad at the door. He knows it was a nightmare. He knows what it was about. He also sees Danny in the same bed as his daughter. The first he can’t do anything about. I think it’s what bugs him the most about it. He knows the whole scene. The second, we are just sleeping. Danny would never do that. Push things too far and I would say no. I think for a second my dad wishes it, he doesn’t dislike Danny, it would just be something he could do something about. 

The fabric of the shirt feels cool. Mom has the other shirt in her hand. “You want some water?” She offers. It might help me sleep or help me calm down but I’m shaking my head no. It’s something I can’t do right now. She’s leaving as I’m laying back down. Taking the shirt with her on her way to bed, dropping it off in the laundry. What’s worse about it is Danny was there to see it. I never told him I was having them. 

“Jo Masterson” Sarita. Crap. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here. There are other students at their lockers, walking the hallway. “You have courage coming here after being seen with Danny Desai.” It didn’t take long for it to spread. It wasn’t long ago we were at the statue. “You are picking from the bottom of the barrel.” She has no idea what we talked about. No one was that close. “Have you ever been at the bottom of the barrel, Sarita?” Her eyes are cold, indifferent. “Do you know why they call it the bottom? It’s a dark and dismal place. It takes all of your will power to climb out.” Turning back to my locker. 

It helps to have a friend. Helping Danny clear his name. It was a kiss not a drug exchange. She’s not going to make me ashamed of it. If she’s heard, the whole school has. “I guess you don’t mind Lacey’s sloppy seconds.” The tape. Everyone has heard about it. “Sarita.” Lacey protests. Turning back around, there is a crowd now and Sarita loves it. Lacey’s eyes on me. The video was the reason I backed off from Lacey and Danny in the first place. I didn’t know she was there. I don’t like reliving it but me and Danny have moved past it. Danny would never do that. She does like the audience. “If it’s what you have to tell yourself, Sarita.” I don’t owe her an explanation. 

“Danny was Regina’s sloppy seconds too.” My stomach is about to move to my throat. Danny is standing in the middle of the hall. Is it true? “This tells me 1 of 2 things. Danny took enough from everyone here when he got out. No one wanted to give him a chance. The news and the headlines. Wouldn’t it be something if none of it was true. I will admit I was 1 of them. But I gave him a chance. A term everyone else is allergic to. You want to bust him down so he can be as low as you. You wanted what Regina got and your jealous.” Or want to drag him down because she can’t get any lower. There are reactions down the hallway. Grabbing my bag and walking off. Glad to be leaving for the day because I don’t want to be here. 

“Jo” Danny calls behind me. If he stops me, I might hit him. “Jo” he’s right beside me, taking hold of my elbow. Stopping me or trying to. “Jo, please, let me explain.” The words bring so much back. “About how I looked like a complete fool in there.” I am so angry right now I could cry and I’m not one who does. “I was thinking about last night before she came up to me. I was at my most vulnerable with you. And after everything we’ve been through, you don’t trust me.” I have tears running down my cheek, tears I can’t stop. It’s what hurts. Walking away as Lacey is walking up. 

God I feel like an idiot. Like I can control what comes up when I’m sleeping. He knows now. That hurts too. “Jo” Lacey. Great. “What?” I’m fed up. She looks cautious. Maybe because I’m still crying. “I just want to say it was really brave what you did.” Standing up for me and Danny. It was more than she had done. She spent so much time denying it, running from it. “I just told the whole school I love Danny. The hardest part isn’t being talked about or losing the status I have. Its it might have all been for nothing.” I’m crying harder. No doubt she heard what people saw at the statue. I don’t regret it. I’m glad I did it. But to think it’s all it will ever be. There is a feeling in my chest I can’t identify. I hurt but there’s more. I had hoped it would be more. The friendship flourishing into something more. I felt it between us. Is this what it is to be coming to a screeching halt?

Doing homework, one would think it would be impossible to do. Keeping my mind busy. Only getting mildly distracted. The look in her eyes. Hunting? Was it why she could say anything? Emotionless? Hate can be that way too. Hate can look worse than what Sarita looked like. People were afraid of Danny when he first came. Afraid to be near him. Afraid it would rub off on them? What would? Him being a supposed killer? The fear is mostly gone now. Hate has replaced some of it. Hate that he’s here. Hate he’s on the team. Is it jealousy he would even be accepted? Those 2 girls be friends with him? Maybe. Lacey would barely claim to be friends with him. 

“Jo, Danny’s here.” Mom calls. She had been worried when I got home. I didn’t want to talk about it. I’m not in the mood. “Tell him to go away.” I answer. I know it’s petty. I’m too overwhelmed right now. If I go downstairs I’ll end up shoving him out the door. A knock on my bedroom door. Slamming it shut after I got home. Pulling it open. “Mom I really.” It’s Danny on the other side. Calm and pleading on him. Mom let him in. Obviously. I don’t know why. “I’m studying.” Walking away. There’s been a lot of that today. One book on my bed, there was 3. The door closing. 

Turning around. Crap, he didn’t leave. Standing by the door. Ok, he wants to do this. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Was Regina that good he didn’t want to go bragging or was she that bad? “She flirted with me.” Is it his explanation? More like a statement. A fact. “Half the school knows that.” I explain. This is already coming up shotty. “The night at the party. I didn’t tell you because it didn’t matter.” I was yelling at Sarita and now I’m yelling at him. “This was all before me and you. Before any of this. It’s none of my business.” I explain. I feel numb. Finding out information I don’t want to know. It was a shock, yes. “Jo, don’t say that.” He’s closer. He knows it does. I’m still hurting. “The sex didn’t matter?” He just used her for this one thing? “I knew where it was headed. She was flirting with me at the party. You were drunk, I brought you home. She made her intentions clear what she wanted. I wasn’t interested.”

I feel more tears on my face. Relief, anger? He wasn’t Regina’s anything. Seconds, sloppy or anything else. Why did I get upset about him and Regina? I wasn’t friends with her. I didn’t know her. Jealous. Not upset. She would have gotten to be with him. In a way I haven’t. In a way I have hoped for. Did Sarita know me and Danny haven’t? Did she assume we already have? Why would she care? “Maybe Sarita is jealous.” There is a small smile on his face. He has gotten through, made me hear him. “Your forbidden.” To some girls it’s a turn on.

“Tell me about your dream.” It’s the last thing I want to talk about. It was on the tip of my tongue earlier. “I’m in the abandoned house.” Taking a breath. The tears are stopping. “Charlie has his knife on me. My mom is trying to talk my dad down. You and Lacey are there. The gun goes off and I know it’s hit me.” His hands are rubbing up and down my arms, trying to provide comfort. “Have you thought about seeing someone for your dreams?” It’s not too much for him, he wanted to know what was involved. He was there for it. I’m nodding. “She says it’s fear. Reliving the fear of the situation. My mind trying to process what was going on at the time.” Sitting on the bed, he’s following. “I was trying to stall him. Keep him talking. I knew you all were coming. I was trying to buy time.” I’ve had the dream so many times, I can’t count how many. 

“It makes sense. I can’t remember a time I was so scared.” Covering for a murder for his dad committed and juvie don’t count? “Your going to tell her about this one?” The tone is not judgemental. General concern. Shaking my head. “No. This one is the same only I know the reason behind it. Before all of this, before I stood in front of the board to defend you I had a dream about you. You came up the side of the house, complained it was harder now than when you were younger. I told you not to sweat on my bed, you took your shirt off. We talked about me and Lacey but the conversation couldn’t keep my attention. We started making out and then I woke up.” The dream telling me what I was feeling. “Your speech to the board and then what I said to you.” Danny recalling it, not looking at me. It’s dawning on him. “Jeez, Jo. I’m so sorry.” His hand on mine out of comfort on the bed. 

“I feel like I kept this from you.” And I got onto him for keeping secrets. I’m talking about the nightmare. He knows I am. “It explains what you said by the statue. You have been keeping yourself guarded.” Protected. Wanting what was best for him but keeping my feelings for myself. Knowing how I felt regardless. It also shows him how much he means to me. “I was coming down the hall after school. I heard a voice, turned the corner and saw Sarita talking to you. She was talking about the bottom of the barrel.” I wondered how much he heard. He was surprised by it. “I heard what you said.” He means all of it. He appreciated it. He wasn’t the only one with the need to protect. “I had the dream because you were here.” He was the reason why. I had been right, I had been vulnerable. My feelings haven’t been the only thing guarded.

“You wanted to protect me from this, didn’t you?” Protect me from Sarita. It didn’t matter what she threw at me, the fact that it would be. The judgements, words, the looks. “Everyone already knew you were friends with me when I got out of juvie.” I remember. It can start a lot of talk, anger, confusion within school. Me. “The boy I had known was standing in the same room as me. Only he wasn’t a boy anymore.” I couldn’t believe he was back. “ I was confused, scared and excited. Scared I wouldn’t know you. If the boy who killed his aunt would be there instead of the boy I know. Excited you were out. You were guarded too, Danny. Not knowing who to let in. It was like juvie in a lot of ways. Who you could talk to. People giving you a hard time. If you would survive.” His eyes on me. I know there were moments in juvie where he wondered if he would. 

“I went to the practice field after you left. It was buzzing with what you said to Sarita.” Most everyone had been in the hallway. “I couldn’t concentrate. The only thing going through my head was what I told Lacey when you walked off. If I lose her I don’t know what I’ll do.” I know he was being honest. I also know he’s scared. “This is new. I realize that.” My hand squeezing his. “As soon as I saw Sarita badgering you I wanted to get you out of there.” Again he wanted to protect me. “What would you have us do? Hide? You held my hand while no one was looking. But hiding hurt you and Lacey along with the secrets you were keeping.” We were both keeping them from her. He’s nodding, knowing how that road went with her. “I felt the same thing today as I felt when Charlie had the knife on you. Put me in the way or get you out of there.” He was helpless all over again today. I’m not the only one reliving it.

“Why do you think she came after you?” Wanting to know so he can protect me if she tries again? “I’m the girl. I was a friend of Lacey’s. I should know better.” Shaking his head. He knows the last one isn’t true. So do I. “Danny what would you have done? We promised we wouldn’t hide.” It was what we wanted to do different. “I know you want to protect me but the only option would be for you to keep your feelings inside forever because me getting hit with all of this. Could you really do that?” Making him question it in the grande scheme of things. The need to protect me is as strong as it was at the cemetery. Trying to help him reason his out. He’s looking at me. I know the statue is ringing in his mind as much as it is mine. His friend is asking him the question he needs to hear whether or not he wants to hear it.

He’s moving. I’m not sure if he’s aware of it. His lips are on mine. The hand that has mine is moving. It isn’t still anymore. His lips aren’t still. Not solitary. They are moving. Holding his feeling in is not an option. I don’t know who is moving, him or me. This isn’t the dream I had of him. My hands are on him. This is reality. This feels like the statue. His words to Lacey. This kiss is urgent. The fight I had with Sarita tore him up. His hand on my leg as if he’s trying to get as close to me as he can. My hands aren’t letting him go. Holding him just as close. His hand moving over my knee. His lips moving to my neck. He’s desperate to be close. A moan coming from me as I feel his lips move. Something wet? He’s looking at me. His eyes searching. 

My skin is prickling, sparking. His eyes are dark. Desperate? Desire? He wants more. A knock on my door. My eyes moving in the doors direction. His head turning. “Jo, dinner.” Mom announces through the door. “Ok, mom.” My breathing uneven. Danny’s eyes have changed. I’m looking us over, to make sure we are both presentable. My shirt is up. When did that happen? His hand? I’m not going to worry about it. We need to get down stairs. “Come on.” Getting up off the bed, pulling him up with me or he might stay there. 

My dad at the table as we descend the stairs. Food is laid out on the table, mom putting a casserole dish down. “Danny, did you want to stay? I can set another place.” Mom reassuring him it’s no trouble. My dad is silent. Looking over at him, I want him to stay. I want him to eat with us. He looks uncertain. “No, thank you, Mrs. Masterson. I really should get home. I didn’t tell my mother I was coming over.” He came straight over from practice. I know she would understand if he called her. Looking at me with a smile, saying goodbye. Walking to the door. Something’s off.


	3. All or nothing

I’ve been in a daze all day. The look on Dani’s face last night, I have been able to get it out of my head. “The new of your fight with Sarita is making headlines.” Nico. Catching me in the hall. Haven’t seen him since before the fight. “Yeah, I’m a celebrity.” I don’t care, really. “I’m guessing I shouldn’t hold our table at the diner.” He suspects. He thinks me and Dani are still fighting. We aren’t, I don’t think. He doesn’t know what happened after the fight. The hall is humming with students. Some of them looking at me as they pass by, others not. I can’t answer Nico because I don’t know. “We’ll see.” Is the only answer I can give. 

The door of the main entrance open to the stairs. “Jo.” Nico alerts. He’s gesturing to the stairs. Dani is ahead. In the crowd of students. I need to talk to him. Leaving Nico at the door as I weave through the bodies of student. Dani is on auto pilot, he doesn’t see where he’s going. I’m close enough, taking hold of his arm. He’s not aware of where he is, just that someone is trying to slow him down. “Dani.” I call. “We need to talk.” He looks worse up close. “I don’t honk it’s a good idea.” He answers. He’s not looking at me. “So this is how it’s going to be then? Like before, avoiding each other, not talking because it’s safer?” My voice louder. It’s drawn some eyes. I’m not letting him off that easy. 

He’s looking around, uncomfortable, doesn’t want to look at me. “Look, Jo. I just think it’s better this way.” Is this the ‘it’s not you, it’s me ‘ speech? This makes no sense. “Why?” I’m not moving until he explains. “Your mom could have come in yesterday.” His voice low, meeting my eyes, kind of. “She knew, Dani.” I could tell she did. His eyes growing wide. It doesn’t bother you is in them. “We are teenagers. We have been through hell and are trying to get our crap together.” I didn’t have to talk to my mom to know it’s what she was thinking. It’s explanation enough for those around us. He’s almost laughing, it’s fading from his face as quickly as it came. “It’s not safe for you to be around me, Jo.” 

This line is getting old and annoying. “We are back to that? Really?” Things were hat simple with my mom. She wasn’t about to question it. “We talked about this and everything was fine.” His eyes are bigger, he hates he word. “It’s not fine.” He’s a lot louder with this answer. He’s looking around, paranoid. We are on school grounds but no one is listening anyway. Did something happen? “Yes, everything was fine.” I argue. What I said is bugging him, he wants to walk away. “No it’s not fine. I touched you.” He blurts our. Trying to keep his voice down. His eyes still have anger in them. What he said doesn’t make any sense. “No, I mean yes you did.” He’s looking around. “I’m not talking about the kiss, Jo.” Then what is he talking about. Now I’m the one confused. 

“Last night I touched you under your shirt.” I know he did. I’m still confused. I had looked down and shrugged it off. “I was kissing you, something I had thought about but never allowed myself to do. I felt this thing. Under my hand.” He’s having trouble with words. “I touched more under your shirt and I felt more.” His hand moving like it’s helping him search for the words. “I was a willing participant, Dani.” He doesn’t like those words at all. There’s more to this. “It’s Vikram. The last thing you touched. The last thing you were involved in before everything went to crap.” He thinks this is the same thing. He thinks this is dark. 

The wet I felt. It was his tongue. He did it there because he thought it was safe. “It won’t happen again.” Danny clarifies. He’s wanting to walk away. “It tingled when it started off, right?” Asking before he can start moving. “Then it burned the more intense it got.” He’s speechless. When he kissed me it started when he got to my neck it got more intense. He’s realizing I felt it too. The only way I could know. Taking his hands in mine. Anchoring him in place. He’s stunned by the move. “It wasn’t dark, Dani. It was right. I felt it, I know it. He’s looking down in doubt. His thought going back to Vikram. “Is this about me being perfect again.” Me being this pure thing he doesn’t want darkness to touch. “Yes, it is.” He’s almost yelling it. 

Look up from the floor at me. His is what has been going through his head all day. He doesn’t want to break me, tarnish me. If he touches me, that darkness will. “What you said yesterday. I do trust you.” The words are loud. They are the only clear answer he knows out of everything. “It’s me I don’t trust.” It hurts him to say it. My hands pulling him to me. Placing his hands on my waist. My hands on his face. The words have him afraid. He’s quest what I’m doing. “Feel me, ok.” Me under his hands and mine in him. “Grip me, hold me, I don’t care.” He just told me if he loves me more than anything he has to walk away to keep me safe. He needs to anchor himself. 

He’s breathing harder, letting this out. His hands tighter. I don’t care if he leaves bruises. I can feel them taking it in. Warm, safe. We are so close, his forehead almost on mine. Breathing the same air. My hands gripping him. His face moving to feel them. “If I hurt you, I couldn’t live with myself.” He sounds like he just run a marathon. The whole reason for it is this. Letting that reason think for him. “What Vikram did wasn’t love. It wasn’t trust. It was manipulation.” Looking up at him. Hoping he’s hearing me. “It was murder.” What he did he let Dani take the blame. “This.” Looking at him, holding him. “This is love, Dani. It’s not dark. It’s not capable of darkness. You aren’t capable.” He doesn’t see himself clearly. “I love you Dani. I would have fought with a bitch in a hallway with the whole school hearing if I didn’t.” He’s laughing now. It’s good to hear. 

“That little boy is standing right in front of me. He just knows a lot more now.” Before the jump rope but he knows that. His grip on me has lightened. It didn’t hurt to begin with. “I ached, Dani. What I felt. What I still do.” Wanting to help clarify his feelings. If he’s still questioning it. “Did you even hear the?” I can’t finish the question. If he heard it or drowned it out. If his brain rationalized it as part of the bad he thought it was. “I did.” He answers. “I’m sorry, Jo.” It’s just above a whisper. “I don’t need protecting. Even if you think it’s from yourself. If I did I would not be standing here.” Not with all we’ve been through. Not with what it has taken to get to this point. 

“If I can handle you and Vikram fighting in a church I can handle you. This, us, whatever this is.” We haven’t discussed it. “I want to find a balance. I think we have. I think we always have. Best friends, talking about the serious stuff.” We’ve always taken each other aside and talked it through. “It’s old habits.” He explains. He had it in juvie and he’s had it since he got out. I can understand it’s a hard one to break. “Your not in this alone anymore.” I answer. “I know it’s hard to be even now. I’m not scared.” Looking at him. I wasn’t then, I wasn’t last night and I’m not now. “I have a habit of underestimating you, Masterson.” It’s a bad one. Now I’m the one with a smile on my face. 

“I’m not expecting to wine and dine me before our first time together.” We are young for wine but he knows what I mean. “I’m not expecting a candlelight dinner, a picnic in the park, dancing under the stars or getting caught in the rain.” Or any other romantic notions he might have about this. “There’s no pressure, Desai.” On him or me or the other giving pressure for this. “I don’t know what to call us either.” He answers. “Calling you my girlfriend doesn’t feel right. “ I’m frowning. “It feels too traditional. For what we’ve been through. To get to this place.” He explains. 

“Two fights in less than 24 hours.” I explain. “Has to be some sort of record. He’s laughing. I guess it’s out calling him my boyfriend. He’s right it sounds too traditional. “I’m not sure if I would call us ‘us’. Dating doesn’t feel right.” I suspect we will be doing it in some form or another but he’s right. “I think it’s too soon to be engaged.” I have to agree with that. I’m nodding. “It might be down the road for us at some point.” He explains. Again have to agree. “I do know I love you.” His hand on my cheek. Warmth. Sincerity. “I want this.” He’s looking at me. Face, lips, cheeks, eyes. All of it. “I want you.” I want the same. Taking the words from me. “I can live with that. I don’t know if I would call us partners. But why do we need to call it anything. If we know what this is.” We feel it. “Just no more running away. We talk about it.” My hands gripping him. Getting it through to him. “Ok.” He answers. 

“We’re equals. A team.” He nodding. His eyes are lighter. “I think we have a good start on lovers, thought.” I add. He’s laughing. If last night was any indication. “Let me clear that up. I don’t love you. I’m in love with you.” He clarifies. I can’t breathe. “If yesterday was any indication, since I got out has been any indication what you are willing to do for me. Stand up, defend, fight for me. I would say your in love with me too.” There are tears rolling down my face. “I do.” The words coming out choked. “I think we just got married.” Dani adds. I can’t stop the laugh coming out. “No one else could make me feel this.” He wants to kiss me. The fact that it’s a public place doesn’t matter. Is last night stopping him? Fear? “Don’t do it the way you think you should. Do it the way you want to.” 

I don’t want him to hold anything back. He’d regret it if he did. His lips on mine. There is no hesitation. I can feel it. It’s like last night. If I’m going to show her how I feel I want to do it right. My lips moving with his. Fingers in his hair. I haven’t wiped the tears away. He doesn’t care as he’s pulling me to him. Deepening the kiss. Tongue grazing mine. This is what he wanted to do last night and he was too afraid. His guard is down now. He’s confessed everything. I didn’t take his crap. I called him out on it. I think he’s right. We did just get married. My skin feels warm with this as we pull apart but not away. Neither one of us wants this to stop. “That one was purely selfish.” He adds. Pulling him to me. Lips on lips. He’s pulling me tighter. Losing myself in him. He is too. This feels right. “So was that.” I add, out of breathe. Pulling my bag in my shoulder. He’s holding his hand out. Sliding his arm over my shoulder or around my back is not going to cut it. Weaving my fingers through his. He wants closeness. No hiding. This is the way it’s going to stay.


End file.
